W. C. Fields

I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.

W. C. Fields

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I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.

W. C. Fields

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Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.

W. C. Fields

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A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

W. C. Fields

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Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.

W. C. Fields

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Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.

W. C. Fields

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It’s morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.

W. C. Fields

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I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

W. C. Fields

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A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.

W. C. Fields

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Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.

W. C. Fields

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