Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. Rita Rudner Read Quote
The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him. Rita Rudner Read Quote
It wasn’t that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was. Rita Rudner Read Quote
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry. Rita Rudner Read Quote
My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn’t want him to. Rita Rudner Read Quote
I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet. Rita Rudner Read Quote
Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: ‘This looks much better on.’ On what? On fire? Rita Rudner Read Quote
I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don’t know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I’ll break up with someone on purpose. Rita Rudner Read Quote
I don’t do Jewish stuff because I don’t want people to be left out. If I mention the Torah in Alabama, it’s not going to go down that well. I used to do some Jewish jokes because when I started, I used to play lots of Jewish country clubs. Rita Rudner Read Quote
I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them. Rita Rudner Read Quote
