Women: You can’t live with them, and you can’t get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something. Emo Philips Read Quote
Probably the worst time in a person’s life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it’s been a pretty good day. Emo Philips Read Quote
I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn’t any gum under any of them. Emo Philips Read Quote
I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky, but there’s never any gum under any of them. Emo Philips Read Quote
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don’t seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper. Emo Philips Read Quote
My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics’ heads, where they are safe. Emo Philips Read Quote
