I like to use ‘I Can’t Believe it’s Not Butter’ on my toast in the morning, because sometimes when I eat breakfast, I like to be incredulous. How was breakfast? Unbelievable. Demetri Martin Read Quote
I think that when you get dressed in the morning, sometimes you’re really making a decision about your behavior for the day. Like if you put on flipflops, you’re saying: ‘Hope I don’t get chased today.’ ‘Be nice to people in sneakers.’ Demetri Martin Read Quote
The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly. Demetri Martin Read Quote
I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that’s 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says ‘go outside.’ Demetri Martin Read Quote
I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything. Demetri Martin Read Quote
Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time. Demetri Martin Read Quote
Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. And when I’m swimming, sometimes I’m not sure which one it is. Demetri Martin Read Quote
