I went into a clothing store, and the lady asked me what size I was. I said, ‘Actual’. I’m not to scale. Demetri Martin Read Quote
People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which they’re very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then they’re kind of hard to tell apart – especially if the human is kind of hairy. Demetri Martin Read Quote
Stand-up is like a row boat: it’s fun and romantic when you’re choosing to do it. But if you have no other choice than to be in a row boat it’s not as enjoyable; that’s survival. Demetri Martin Read Quote
I know about Woodstock probably as much as your average person who is over 30, where I’d know Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Grateful Dead. Demetri Martin Read Quote
I didn’t do improv in college, I never performed, I didn’t do theater either. I was in student government, I was a history major. Demetri Martin Read Quote
