With a few exceptions, birds are not to be trusted; it is not normal to have such soft, vulnerable bodies bookended with slashing beaks and razor-sharp claws. It is as unnatural as an armed marshmallow. Daniel Mallory Ortberg Read Quote
Eighty per cent of my output is ‘Mallory clowns on the Western canon,’ and I’m happy to be that person. Daniel Mallory Ortberg Read Quote
One of the things that would be great is to some day have so many women comedy writers that we wouldn’t say there’s just one type of female humor. There’s lots. Daniel Mallory Ortberg Read Quote
Humor is always more interesting when it comes from someone who’s had more than, like, five experiences. Daniel Mallory Ortberg Read Quote
I attended an evangelical Christian university on the outskirts of suburban Los Angeles and by the time of my graduation was neither evangelical nor Christian. Daniel Mallory Ortberg Read Quote
We went to church twice a week. My parents were employed in ministry; we prayed before dinner. We rollerbladed in the summer. We were allowed to watch the ‘Simpsons.’ I fought with my younger brother over Legos. Daniel Mallory Ortberg Read Quote
My credentials, briefly: I no longer go to church or believe in God, but I can still name every one of the fruits of the Spirit and reeled for days upon hearing the announcement that Audio Adrenaline was reunited with one of the singers from DC Talk. Daniel Mallory Ortberg Read Quote
It’s an unfortunate reality of life that toxins are constantly building up in our bodies. Daniel Mallory Ortberg Read Quote
The most successful Subway customers, of course, are the ones who can’t keep their hands off their sandwich. Join your artist in the sandwich assembling process. That sneeze guard is a suggestion. That sneeze guard is trying to intimidate you into staying on the customer’s side of the partition. Daniel Mallory Ortberg Read Quote
