I can’t imagine voluntarily standing beside an F1 track in the rain, watching motorised wedges plastered in corporate decals zooming past at 500mph. Charlie Brooker Read Quote
Like bankers, top footballers are massively overpaid, but at least you comprehend what they’re doing for the money. Charlie Brooker Read Quote
You can tell a lot about a person by the way they treat waiters and shop assistants, especially when you are one. Charlie Brooker Read Quote
The majority of people are perfectly capable of interacting with retail staff without spitting on them or whipping their hides like dawdling cattle, but Planet Earth still harbours more than its fair share of disappointments. Charlie Brooker Read Quote
If I ran a national burger franchise – which I don’t – I’d make it a rule that no two customers can be greeted with precisely the same words and that every third customer must be grossly insulted as a matter of course. Just to keep the atmosphere nice and lively. And to keep the staff laughing. Charlie Brooker Read Quote
Ever since about 1998, when humankind began fast-forwarding through the gradually-unfolding history of progress, like someone impatiently zipping through a YouTube clip in search of the best bits, we’ve grown accustomed to machines veering from essential to obsolete in the blink of a trimester. Charlie Brooker Read Quote
If your home is anything like mine, it contains several rarely explored crannies stashed full of archaic chargers, defunct cables, and freshly antiquated gizmos whose sole useful function in 2011 is to make 2005 feel like 1926, simply by looking big and dull and impossibly lumpen. Charlie Brooker Read Quote
Everyone’s opened a drawer and been startled by the unexpected discovery of an old mobile phone that now resembles an outsized pantomime prop. To think you used to be impressed by this clunky breezeblock. You were like a caveman gawping at a yo-yo. Charlie Brooker Read Quote
I can’t imagine painting my face in a team colour and roaring with delight as a multi-millionaire kicks a ball at a net. Charlie Brooker Read Quote
The fashion industry is the worst possible vessel for conveying an ethical message about anything. Charlie Brooker Read Quote
